Bedtime Roulette

By 5pm last night I had two very exhausted kids. As I watched June Bug's head bob at the dinner table I pondered putting him to bed at 5:30.  Several people have texted and facebooked to see if it backfired on me. Yes, yes it did.  And frankly, I think it's because he should have gone to bed at 5. Seriously.

By 5:55pm all was perfectly quiet and two kids were sleeping...stupid, stupid me.

6:15pm would commence with an overtired June Bug wailing about how he was tired while I begged him to "please cry quietly so you don't wake Lady Bug".  By all means laugh.  It might be the most unrealistic and ridiculous thing I've ever asked of my toddler.

6:40pm all is quiet again.

3:45am Wailing June Bug because "piggy [piglet] is scary" only to be soothed by snuggles, aka holding mom in a headlock.

Luckily Lady Bug had the courtesy to wait until 4am to wake up. June Bug whined a little upon my departure, but apparently found something else to snuggle with, his underwear. Obviously, I mean who doesn't love a good snuggle with their Sesame Street intimates? Why the he!! 8 pairs of underwear were in bed with him to begin with is beyond me. How I failed to notice until 7am is another story...

::sobs::

You know those parenting days that make you want to throw in the towel and run screaming...without your 35lb double jogging stroller?  If you're a parent, I know you've had them, more than once. Or you're Angelina Jolie and have 2:1 nanny-kid ratio and a private jet to the Caribbean when you need it.  Yesterday was particularly tough and I'm sure I cried at least 4 times.
And then this happened, completely unprompted:

And I cried again. I don't even remember why it was a bad day.  ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Peace or Punishment?

As the weather finally cools off, I've seen a lot of posts and blogs about running. Some friends are doing big firsts and others are starting new programs. Both they and my kids have inspired me to run a little further and a little harder.

I have always thought the feeling of my feet hitting the pavement is therapeutic. Then I had two kids.  It's still therapeutic; but not in the mind-clearing-enjoy-the-outdoors sort of way but rather the I-will-get-rid-of-this-baby-weight-and-I-will-not-let-my-toddler-push-me-over-the-edge-dear-God-how-can-I-occupy-30-60-minutes-to-bed-time sort of way.

Because this:

= a desperation run

Desperation run:  we're going outside, you're sitting in the stroller and you're going to like it

It's a run. It's outside. It's that moment where running 4 miles while pushing 75+ pounds is easier than rationalizing with two children loudly declaring the end-of-the-world. It's peaceful and relaxing, not the torture it might seem.

See, they're happy......and my view is quiet pleasant. 

And by my definition it's quiet.  Quiet as in no one's crying. I'm not sure I know what silence is anymore. Lady Bug has found her voice and spends 90% of the run shrieking with glee.  Meanwhile June Bug has apparently decided he's my running coach. I am the comic relief to every jogger, biker and walker that passes us, as this little but LOUD voice commands "Run mama, run, no es fast, run please!"

I am running you little punk. ::sigh::  As he's clearly pointed out, I won't be setting any records in the near future, but at least my sanity is still in tact...I think.

Lesson Learned: I have no idea what I'm doing

If you're anti-sleep training you should probably to stop reading here. 

Though I will say this is not advice and I am in no way, shape, or form qualified to give sleep advice. This past weekend I learned I'm not even qualified to give myself sleep advice. Seriously, I have no idea what I'm doing. 

First-Time-Mama-Bug: No way, no how, I will NOT let my kid cry to sleep.  

By 7 months I read every sleep book there was and settled on something resembling the infamous Ferber technique, you know, the one that destroys lives.   One night and less than 10 total minutes of crying, June Bug realized I called his bluff and went to sleep.  Yeah, we had it pretty easy there AND I'm pretty sure June Bug still loves me...except when he's having a massive, mom-hating, meltdown...thank you terrible two's.

Second-Time-Mama-Bug: Obviously I am going to sleep-train Lady Bug as soon as she is deemed "age appropriate," (lest I start a mother-mud-slinging-battle).  After 12w of brutal colic and the daily nap battles we'd been fighting, I was ready and armed to get this girl to sleep! 

A glutton for punishment, I sat outside her room chanting: Don't cave mama, don't cave....and I waited, and waited, and waited. I waited for 20 minutes, listening to nothing.  

Abso-freakin-lutely nothing. She was sleeping.  

Night 2, she looked me straight in the eye, smiled, rolled over and went to sleep.   ::nervously looks around for hidden cameras:: I was sure I was being Punk'd.

I have no idea if Lady Bug is actually sleep trained. None. For all I know this is some cruel joke that's going to kick me in the ass next week, especially because I just blogged about it. But for now, I guess I'll enjoy that she's decided beauty sleep is a good thing.

My precocious little anomaly in her lady bug pj's.

Multi-Tasking Fail

You know how you see your friends posting cute photos of their infants tagging along on the morning chores nestled into a pile of warm, clean laundry? I mean it seems like an obvious choice, who doesn't want to snuggle up to fresh, warm laundry.  Yeah, don't do it.  I promise you it's worth two trips, one to carry the child, the second to carry the clean laundry. 

Look at me, so cute in the laundry basket, folding, sorting....

Ummmm....uh oh...

Yeah, this batch might need to be rewashed.

Moral of the story:  Don't put a prone-to-producing-bodily-fluids infant in a basket of clean laundry.  ::sigh::

Memory

A day in which she remembers sleep is good!

Infant Memory
I'm convinced infants are hard-wired to forget how to do something pretty much as soon as they do it.

Case and point:  I watched Lady Bug log-roll the entire length of her crib at 3:30 this morning. Her last roll landed her on her belly, where she proceeded to scream because she couldn't remember how to roll back onto her back, despite the 3 previous times she did it. And I swear sleeping is her favorite thing to forget how to do, but that's a whole post on its own.

Patiently driving? Probably  not.

Toddler Memory

A toddler doesn't.forget.anything.

It's almost painful some of the things June Bug will whip out at an inappropriate moment.  The most recent gem occurred while riding in the shopping cart at a very busy Costco. While I waited for some man to move his cart out of the way, my toddler not-so-patiently-and-very-loudly yelled:  BEEP BEEP!!! MOVE!!! 

I may or may not be slightly impatient when I drive. 

Parental Memory
It's lost somewhere between sleepless nights and jam packed nap-less days. My memory is so terrible I actually had this conversation:

Mama Bug:  (to a friend) Congrats on the new job!! I used to work for that school district. It's always crazy to me when people out here take jobs in the midwest, such a small world! When do you move?  You're just going to love the midwest!  (I seriously went on for a good 90 seconds).

Friend:  (stares at me blankly)  Move?? Why would I move?

Mama Bug:  Oh, right, I don't live in Southern California anymore do I? Not such a coincidence anymore.

Who the hell forgets a 2000 mile move?? Much less one that involved two kids, two cats, two cars and enough stuff to fill an Ikea??

"No thanks on the diaper mom, I'll use the potty"

Ok, no my kid didn't say that. I mean, I hear it happens, but I'm pretty sure June Bug wasn't going to announce that anytime soon. But I was ready and let's face it, toddlers are smart. Too smart, really, so why not take advantage?

Day 1: It was so crazy and exhausting I barely remember the events or how I got to bed. And no, there was no booze involved, though it might have made the day less painfully wearing. 

Day 2:  OMG success, he's learned the potty is NOT going to swallow him whole!!!

In a 12mos swimsuit, b/c sans diaper his skinny
booty can't hold up a 2T, I'm not at all envious

Day 3:  By golly I think he's got it

Day 4-5:  My kid's a rockstar, seriously, he must be a genius, right?

Day 6-7:  My kid is 2 and is going to remind he's 2, aka "I've never seen a potty in my life before...no pee mama, that's agua"  ::cries...sobs..cries some more::

Day 8-9:  Put the cork back in the bottle, then get June Bug back on track

Day 10 and on:  OMG the potty just became the coolest thing in the world and mom can leave the room with zero incident.  Heck, mom can even go grocery shopping and run errands and have play dates. 

Life has returned to normal, but without diapers; well as normal as life is with two kids. 

Now I need like 2 weeks of sleep to make up for these past few weeks of chaos.