A Monologue...

By Miss Lady Bug

I love nap time. Peace and quiet and time to myself. Lately, time for me to nap since Lady Bug thinks 5:15am is an awesome hour to rise and shine.  June Bug was in his room, Lady Bug in her crib. I made the mistake of crawling into bed and trying to fall asleep.

Lady Bug: 
Mommeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Mommeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....silence.....Belly, toes, belly, belly, toes, boca (mouth), nose, belly, belly (you might have guessed her favorite body part).... what's this? Mommy, what's this? toes. belly. toes. belly.  Mommeeeeeeee, Mommeeeee, All done. Up please. Love you. Up please. Love you. Mommy. All done.... 

repeat for 1 hour and 20 minutes. seriously. 

Eventually I was suckered by the "love yous" and I tried crawling in the crib stupidly thinking she'd nap with me. I'm sure you can guess how well that went. 

She found my phone in my pocket...and opted for a selfie. That's my face she's smashing with her other hand.

The Rational Toddler

Dear June Bug,

Let's review some basics:

"But I'm awake" is not a valid reason to not go to bed. That's what we do. We go to bed awake, shut our eyes and fall asleep. It's brilliant. Try it.

No you do not need another bib because the one you insisted on wearing got food on it. That's the point of the bib that really you only wear because your sister wears one.

Remember those sandals that you refused to wear because they were "too tight" and "made hurt in your toes"?  They don't suddenly fit because your sister wants to wear them. Stop trying to cram your feet in them only to cry because they hurt.

I know Lady Bugs loooooooves to instigate. But shoving her down, smacking her and then yelling help is not working. Please ask for help first and give me more than .02 seconds to respond. Thanks.

On the reverse front, throwing yourself on the ground and wailing that Lady Bug pushed you and needs a time out, only works when she's in the same room, preferably near you. When she's napping, I'm never going to fall for it. Ever. And your dramatics need some practice.

Finally, I love how helpful you are. You are a sweet, wonderful boy, but please for the love of all that is holy, stop trying to change your sister's diaper.

If I didn't know better....

...I'd tell you this is not my child.  I love shoes. A lot.

I was so excited to take Lady Bug out to buy her first pair. I knew it wouldn't be easy. The poor kid got my feet, short and fat.  They're adorable, but she seriously has the shoe size of a 0-6 month old. Which means many lines don't even make pre-walker shoes that small and if they do, I can't get her squishy little piggies in them because they're too wide for any shoe that small.

What I didn't expect was a meltdown of epic proportions that involved rolling across the floor, kicking her legs and screaming as though she was being threatened with a stiletto heel.


5 coloring pages, 2 balloons, and 1 stuffed animal-- all compliments of Nordstroms' employees who were desperate to quell her screaming lest we scare away the other kids-- I ran out of their with a pair shoes that I bought out of sheer embarrassment.




And I don't mean embarrassment because my kid was wailing. Kids cry, tantrums happen. Embarrassment because  I could not stop laughing at the Oscar-worthy theatrics. It was quite the ridiculous comedy.

10 minutes turned wrong

Getting your 11 month old to sit still for one lousy picture is a test of patience and stamina that I just didn't have yesterday. So instead I let her take me on a little tour of the house and I snapped as I followed.  We hit all her favorite spots...

We started at the windows, but there was nothing to see.

We took her doll for a quick stroll, but Lady Bug deemed that activity silly and evicted her from the stroller.

So we headed off to the bathroom 

because there's always a toilet to flush.

and putting big brother's underwear on your head is .... just gross ::blech:: 

(I swear it's clean)

And a little brotherly love....

That turned into...

::Ladybug wailing::

Me:  June Bug, what happened?

June Bug:  I hit baby Lady Bug in the face. 

Me: WHY????!

June Bug:: ::blank stare that pretty much said why not??::

Awesome. Her first black eye.
::it's almost the weekend...
it's almost the weekend::

and repeat

Life is a Compromise

And June Bug has caught on to my negotiation strategy.

When he's particularly difficult and won't get dressed, my "please put on your shirt and pants" is met with wailing, world-ending misery. But a simple, ok, "well how about you put on your pants and shirt then?" is somehow totally different and results in a clothed 2 year old.

::shrug:: whatever gets him dressed because I can only imagine the tears that would ensue should he step outside naked in 30 degree weather.

Unfortunately, my language trick may have met its demise:

    Mama:          What do you want for breakfast?

    June Bug:     Peanut butter and jelly

    Mama:          No you had that for dinner. You need to eat something different.

    June Bug:     Fine. Jelly and peanut butter. 

Touché little dude. How can I argue?

And for the record, I still didn't give him PBJ. Mean mom.

10 Minutes of Peace, Quiet, and Hot Water

OK, in full disclosure, it's really only hot water that I'm enjoying, seeing as I don't remember the last time I showered without company. Luckily June Bug is excellent about quietly sitting on my bed and reading while Lady Bug  occupies herself with the 1.2 million toys I dragged into the bathroom. She's quite adept when it comes to entertaining herself. Perhaps a little too much so.

Yesterday, she found a new toy, much to my sudden, cold surprise.

It clearly  provided endless, giggle-inducing fun.
I'm not entirely convinced she wasn't laughing at me shrieking and scrambling to escape what felt like ice pellets.

This kid is trouble.